A formal apology to The Beatles, The Jonas Brothers, Maroon 5, JackJohnson, and Dashboard Confessionals.

I need to take a moment to formally apologize to these musicians. Not that it matters, cause you will never see this. However I am sorry that at one point in my life I said I Hated you, and your music. Which is not very nice, or supportive. From my post to the beat of my heart, it's pretty clear I have a love for music.

In the past couple of years I have come to defend music, whether it's music I hate or music I love. I don't think you could say any type of music is the worst. If someone is doing what they love, and they love what they are making why should we criticize? I understand that we all have a right to our own opinion. But what if we created something for the world, and someone who is a nobody and says oh that is awful, I hate that. It would kind of hurt a little bit. 

You don't have to listen to every song ever made, I am not going to go buy a Jack Johnson cd, or listen to The Beatles. But maybe bite your tongue when someone is like I love this song, and you want to say oh I hate this song. 

Or you can totally disagree and keep saying you hate certain songs. I guess I am just asking for the respect I know I would want. Just a food for thought.

  And I mean this song plays quite frequently, so dashboard isn't horrible. 

I am sorry, are you okay?

Each week I try to work on something different, and after recent events I decided I should work on asking people if they are okay, before laughing when they get hurt. I have a tendency to laugh when people fall, or hit things. I am not sure why, I care about people very much. However I have a very simple sense of humor, and laugh. Well after deciding this is what I wanted to work on this week, I was going over to my friends house and as I was walking up their steps I fell. Literally this happened within the hour of me deciding this is what I wanted to work on. Of course I laughed at myself, it was hilarious. My legs are covered in bruises, and scrapes because I am so accident prone. I mean come on, everyone gets a good laugh out of when I fell doing the cotton eye joe, don't remember? Here you go:

In case we are put in a situation where you get hurt, and I can't get the words out because I am laughing so hard: "I am sorry, are you okay?"  

Yes I am saying this in advance because I already was put that situation where I was laughing so hard I couldn't get the words out. It's a work in progress. 

"But I'm steady thinking, my way is clear"

I have found answers in my music. Tonight's announcement is something that I never ever thought would happen. A song by Celtic Women, entitled Caledonia I feel like expressed my feelings all too well. Before we get into the break down, let me announce what it is so everyone can stop guessing. I have chosen to return to Idaho in September for my off track, and take classes.

Where I am coming from:

"I don't know if you can see

The changes that have come over me"

Something has changed in my heart, and I am so eager to be in Rexburg, and to keep working on my education. So eager that this next year I will spend September through July going to school. It is so hard to be in Rexburg, but something has changed in my heart, and I have chosen to stay.

To my nieces and nephews:

"Let me tell you that I love you

That I think about you all the time"

This was not an easy choice, and it still breaks my heart that I am gonna miss so much more than I already have. I am not staying in Idaho because I love you less. I love you all so much and I constantly have you on my mind. I took each of you into consideration as I made my choice.

My Fight:

"Now I have moved and I've kept on moving

Proved the points that I needed proving"

I moved to Rexburg in the beginning of April, and it was honestly one of the hardest things I have ever done. Yes I have done it before, but this time it was different. I felt so alone, and so lost knowing that I left behind people who were struggling and needed me. I drove the whole way, and that was something that scared me. However as soon as I reached my exit I knew that I had beaten one of my own battles. If I am being honest here, I cried the first two weeks at least every day. The moment I stepped into my new room I called someone very close to me, and said "I want to go home." Much like in the past I had so many reasons to stay in Oregon. My mom even encouraged me to stay home for spring. Which I think she only did because she wanted to hear me say outloud that I needed to go. Thank you mom. I proved I can make it, so what is a little more time? I have moved, and it seems that I will keep on moving.

My Friends:

"Lost the friends that I needed losing

Found others on the way"

No one has ever been replaced in my life, nor will they. Everyone holds a special part in my heart. Not to sound too dramatic but one life long lesson I have learned for the past five years, is how to mourn someone that is still living. A revolving door of people coming in and out of my life, and for the longest time I was angry, and hurt. However those people that chose their different paths had every right to, and just like they do so do I. I have found other people that have helped me grow in ways I didn't even know I could. I love everyone that has come through that door, whether they have left or not. You have changed me for the better. I need to state though that I am not going to school in the fall for anyone else but myself. 

"And I know what I will do tomorrow

When hands have shaken, the kisses float

Then I will disappear"

It looks like I will be disappearing from Oregon once again. I had never thought that I would have come to this choice, and when the thought popped in my head at the beginning of the semester I was extremely surprised. I called my parents, and told them what I was feeling prompted to do. They counseled me to just think about it, and see what happens. That when the Lord has a will, he will provide a way. At that point I had no idea how anything was gonna work. I didn't even think it would be possible. This past week I got an override for the fall, and signed up for classes. In the past my grad plan wasn't quite working out, and now that I am attending in the fall, everything fell into place almost. It's still about 90% chance that it is gonna happen. There is a 10% chance it won't happen. If it doesn't I accept that, but if it does I accept that too. 

I am just full of surprises.

I don't want to say I am having a good day.

The last time I said I was having a good day, my world sort of semi fell apart. Without going into details lets just say I was on a roller coaster, thought I was off but turns out the roller coaster kept going. So I am not saying I am having a good day. But I am pretty dang happy, and have learned a valuable lesson. I hope I never have to get off this roller coaster. Sure there are times where I am scared or when I am sad. Those sad or scary parts brought me to people who changed my life. But now there are times when I am happy, and laugh a lot. Those parts of the roller coaster seem to last longer then the scary ones. Another thing I've learned? It is okay for me to be happy. That doesn't mean I don't miss my family or that I am doing something wrong. For so long I wanted to make sure everyone else was happy, or everyone else was being taken care of. There will always be a reason for me to be called home. However there will also be a reason for me to stay here. Here is not Rexburg or any certain place. Here is where my heart wants me to be, and where I am happy.