"But I'm steady thinking, my way is clear"

I have found answers in my music. Tonight's announcement is something that I never ever thought would happen. A song by Celtic Women, entitled Caledonia I feel like expressed my feelings all too well. Before we get into the break down, let me announce what it is so everyone can stop guessing. I have chosen to return to Idaho in September for my off track, and take classes.

Where I am coming from:

"I don't know if you can see

The changes that have come over me"

Something has changed in my heart, and I am so eager to be in Rexburg, and to keep working on my education. So eager that this next year I will spend September through July going to school. It is so hard to be in Rexburg, but something has changed in my heart, and I have chosen to stay.

To my nieces and nephews:

"Let me tell you that I love you

That I think about you all the time"

This was not an easy choice, and it still breaks my heart that I am gonna miss so much more than I already have. I am not staying in Idaho because I love you less. I love you all so much and I constantly have you on my mind. I took each of you into consideration as I made my choice.

My Fight:

"Now I have moved and I've kept on moving

Proved the points that I needed proving"

I moved to Rexburg in the beginning of April, and it was honestly one of the hardest things I have ever done. Yes I have done it before, but this time it was different. I felt so alone, and so lost knowing that I left behind people who were struggling and needed me. I drove the whole way, and that was something that scared me. However as soon as I reached my exit I knew that I had beaten one of my own battles. If I am being honest here, I cried the first two weeks at least every day. The moment I stepped into my new room I called someone very close to me, and said "I want to go home." Much like in the past I had so many reasons to stay in Oregon. My mom even encouraged me to stay home for spring. Which I think she only did because she wanted to hear me say outloud that I needed to go. Thank you mom. I proved I can make it, so what is a little more time? I have moved, and it seems that I will keep on moving.

My Friends:

"Lost the friends that I needed losing

Found others on the way"

No one has ever been replaced in my life, nor will they. Everyone holds a special part in my heart. Not to sound too dramatic but one life long lesson I have learned for the past five years, is how to mourn someone that is still living. A revolving door of people coming in and out of my life, and for the longest time I was angry, and hurt. However those people that chose their different paths had every right to, and just like they do so do I. I have found other people that have helped me grow in ways I didn't even know I could. I love everyone that has come through that door, whether they have left or not. You have changed me for the better. I need to state though that I am not going to school in the fall for anyone else but myself. 

"And I know what I will do tomorrow

When hands have shaken, the kisses float

Then I will disappear"

It looks like I will be disappearing from Oregon once again. I had never thought that I would have come to this choice, and when the thought popped in my head at the beginning of the semester I was extremely surprised. I called my parents, and told them what I was feeling prompted to do. They counseled me to just think about it, and see what happens. That when the Lord has a will, he will provide a way. At that point I had no idea how anything was gonna work. I didn't even think it would be possible. This past week I got an override for the fall, and signed up for classes. In the past my grad plan wasn't quite working out, and now that I am attending in the fall, everything fell into place almost. It's still about 90% chance that it is gonna happen. There is a 10% chance it won't happen. If it doesn't I accept that, but if it does I accept that too. 

I am just full of surprises.

I don't want to say I am having a good day.

The last time I said I was having a good day, my world sort of semi fell apart. Without going into details lets just say I was on a roller coaster, thought I was off but turns out the roller coaster kept going. So I am not saying I am having a good day. But I am pretty dang happy, and have learned a valuable lesson. I hope I never have to get off this roller coaster. Sure there are times where I am scared or when I am sad. Those sad or scary parts brought me to people who changed my life. But now there are times when I am happy, and laugh a lot. Those parts of the roller coaster seem to last longer then the scary ones. Another thing I've learned? It is okay for me to be happy. That doesn't mean I don't miss my family or that I am doing something wrong. For so long I wanted to make sure everyone else was happy, or everyone else was being taken care of. There will always be a reason for me to be called home. However there will also be a reason for me to stay here. Here is not Rexburg or any certain place. Here is where my heart wants me to be, and where I am happy. 

The Art of Maintaining a Friendship: A Work in Progress

I am sure you are all aware there are 24 hours in a day. If you take out the eight hours you sleep, that is 16. If you take out the average 8 hours for school/homework/studying or perhaps work that is 8 hours a day. Take out an additional two hours for a cumulative of personal hygiene whether it is going to the restroom, getting ready for your day, or ending your day. That is 6 hours. 6 hours to take care of everything else. One thing that fills probably 5 out of that 6 hours for me is trying to maintain my relationships with friends and family. I try to talk to my nieces and nephews every day, and I am in constant communication with my family. You gotta love Facebook group messages. But it's hard work, and I wanted to take this moment to apologize for a couple things.

I am sorry I don't call as often as I do. 

I am sorry if I repeat myself at times I get so excited sometimes about the things that happen that I want to make sure you get to hear about. 

I am sorry for the short conversations squeezed in between classes. 

I am sorry sometimes I go days between are conversations and then drop on emotional bomb on you. 

I am sorry for the late night texts, then I usually fall asleep in the middle of our conversation.  

I just want you all to know I am trying, life is crazy, and I want to spend hours talking to you. Someday soon we will. 

You are important to me.
Being busy isn't an excuse, for not making time for the people you care about. I know this, and I am working on bettering myself. I am not perfect, and I just want to be there for my amazing support system like they are there for me. It is definitely a work and progress.

It's mothers day

There are so many people I want to recognize today, and am gonna try and include as many of you as I can. However if I forget you I am sorry, know these words are for you. Even if you aren't mentioned or pictured.
I may not be a mom myself, but for as long as I can remember there have been women in my life teaching what it means to be a mother. Some of those things I've been taught are the following:

• Love
• Courage
• Strength 
• Never giving up
• Fight for important things
• Protecting your family
• Protecting your beliefs
• How to balance life
• To have a testimony
• To find the hope
• To love literature 
• The importance of education 

I am so grateful for the love, and comfort that these women have given to me. The countless prayers, and good thoughts sent my way. You are all wonderful, and so loved. Not just by me but those around you. Be strong, and continue to love. Know that you have blessed me beyond belief.
You are also strong and noble women, and God is smiling on you. 

This is just a small list. Some people that won't be pictured I want to list here

• Nanners 
• Laura
• Georgie
• Janille 
• Meryni
• Gina 
• My grandmas

If there's one thing my dad taught me.

My parents have taught me many important things. So many lessons I wouldn't know where to start. However there is one thing my dad taught me that I will never forget, you see a solider you say thank you. No matter what you are doing you stop and say thank you. If they are talking you wait until they are done, and you say thank you. As cheesy as it sounds I am proud to be an American. 

I support my troops, and I say thank you. 

"To the Beat of My Heart"

Instead of writing my part two of three I thought I would share something else. I am still working on part two, and can't wait to share my story with all of you. However this week I want to share something else with you. Music is a huge part of my life, and this past summer I really learned the importance of why we pay for our music. The people who chose the career of a musician in my opinion chose a hard path. Musician's work hard for what they love, so we can have the things we love. It is important to support the music industry, and show those musicians that we support them. My cousin Bubba taught me the importance of buying music, and not getting it other ways. So I thought I would give you a list of all the songs I've purchased, and the careers I am supporting.
Starting in July of 2015 until today:

1. Ew!- Jimmy Fallon ft. Will.I.Am
2. Honey, I'm Good.-Andy Grammer
3. Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)- Silento
4. Pretty Girls Britney Spears ft Iggy Azalea
5. Immortals- Fall Out Boy
6. Play It Again- Luke Bryan
7. Country Girl- DF Dub
8. Hey Mama- David Guetta
9. Cheerleader- OMI
10. Drag Me Down- One Direction
11. My Way- Fetty Wap ft. Monty
12. Uma Thurman- Fall Out Boy
13. That's How You Know- Nico Vinz
14. Only Fooling Myself- Kate Voegele
15. Marvin Gaye- Charlie Puth Ft. Meghan Trainor
16. I Won't-Colbie Caillat
17. Touch the Sky-Julie Fowlis
18. Into the Open Air- Julie Fowlis
19. Learn Me Right- Birdy & Mumford and Sons
20. Made In the AM(album)- One Direction
21. Hotline Bling-Drake
22. Cars that Go Boom L'Trimm
23. El Taxi- Pitbull 
24. Dessert- Dawin
25. 679- Fetty Wap ft. Monty
26. Santa Claus is Coming to Town- Micheal Buble
27. Talking Body- Tov Lo
28. Here Comes the Lion Guard- Beau Black
29. The Moment I Knew- Taylor Swift
30. Stand Still, Look Pretty- The Wreckers
31. No Scrubs- TLC
32. Get Ugly- Jason Derulo
    
    I budget money for music just like budget money for gas. I know that if there is a song I want, I want to have it at my disposal. I want to listen to it on repeat ad free for five hours straight. This might seem like a lot of music but it's apart of my life. I want to support the music industry just like I am supported in my careers. i encourage you to do the same.
    
    
    
    
    "So I say Thank You for the Music"-Abba

An old year ends, and a new year begins

Let us first look back on year 2015, what a wonderful year. I experienced everything pretty much. Here is 15 things that happened in 2015

1. I moved to Idaho
2. I spent time with family in Utah,
3. I made new friends 
4. I started a new school
5. I bought my fifth laptop charger this year :) I have the worst luck, one caught fire.
6. I turned 22
7. I learned I was gonna be an aunt again
8. I got my first big kid purse
9. I got promoted at work Santa's Assistant Manager :)
10. I started a new book
11. I lost someone close to me
12. I enjoyed lots of new music that came out
13. I stepped up in the iphone game, and got an ipad
14. I started taking control of my happiness
15. I know that the gospel is where I find my happiness

This year has truly been amazing, I have learned so much about myself. I feel like I have grown in ways I didn't even know were possible. Shout out to my sisters who constantly keep me in check, and remind me to fight for the things I love. Shout out to all the kiddos in  my life, whether I am their nanny, or their Jordy. Shout out to new friends I made this, especially Becky, Jenna, and new work friends. Shout out to my old friends too who make time to be apart of my crazy life. Special shout out to the Smith family who adopted me for two weeks this summer (yes that includes Jenni's kids) :) And to my parents who only want the best for me. I can't wait for the new year. I just know even better things are waiting for me in 2016, I just have to chase after them. I will keep you posted. As for now, know I am having the time of my life with the people I need the most.