Jordan's sharing her feelings

I tried to keep things under wrapped this past month and half until I had answers, those who asked I told. But some stuff has been happening, and I am ready to share that I have no bad news, and semi good news. I am not going to hold much back, so if you don't want to read I won't be offended.
It all started on September 29, I found two lumps. One on each of my boobs, I wasn't too freaked out. However the more I talked to people the more freaked out I got, and I had some concerns that I hadn't had before.

I called the women's clinic here in Rexburg and set up an appointment. I met with a midwife on October 17, and she did a head to toe exam. I got to wear this lovely white paper towel, and it was what I thought was the worst thing I had ever experienced. I was pretty positive that I was going to walk in there and she was going to say something like "Oh what your feeling is nothing.", but she didn't say that. She said that they were definetly there, and due to my family history it was a major concern for her. She also wanted to check my thyroid because there was a nodule my doctor in Oregon found a few years ago. I was pretty freaked out before the appointment, I tried to prepare myself the best I could for what would happen during the appointment, but it wasn't enough. I make things awkward right? So I was talking with the nurse while she was taking my vitals, and I was like do you know if they are going to do an exam? and she was like the midwife likes to see your face before she sees anything else. Funny right? Well I had some lovely support for that appointment, Sam and Lexi came and waited patiently for me in the lobby, while I sent texts of everything that happened.

From that appointment I walked away with ultrasound orders, and made a phone call to my sister Alex and told her she had to tell mom. She offered to come to Rexburg and be with me, but I knew it wasn't realistic. She was trying to do what she could to help, but she has three kids and husband that needed her just a little bit more than I did. But needless to say I was scared out of my mind, and the next few days moved in a haze. I was going to class, but I wasn't present. I would try to explain to my teachers what was going on, but I couldn't without crying. I had people around me trying to distract me, and trying to help me look forward with my head up. Including AeLa, Ray Ray, and Lexi! Who drove into the middle of nowhere at 1 am just to watch a meteor shower. I cried a lot that first week, and I know I already said this but I was scared out of my mind. Here I was 12 hours away from my family, and I had no idea what I was doing.

 Luckily I have a cousin who is just a little over three and half hours way and she offered to come be with me for the ultrasound. I knew I needed someone, and my roommates were great support, but I wanted some family. Jessie was so sweet to give up her whole weekend to come spend sometime in Rexburg, and it helped me relax so much more. I don't think words can ever express how much it meant to me to have her here.

Ultrasound day came on Monday, I had every intention to go to class that day, but I was too stressed. I just wanted answers, and I wanted to know that everything was going to be okay. They did the ultrasound, it was interesting to say the least. I had done an ultrasound on my thyroid before. The chest ultrasound was a new thing for me. Jessie was there, and made sure to make me laugh every time I got a little scared, or sad. The radiologist came and spoke to me instantly after the tech had finished, to talk about the lumps in my boobs. He said that they weren't a concern right now, but gave me somethings that I need to look for, and if any of that stuff starts to happen I need to come in as soon as I can. He then said the results for my thyroid would come from the midwife. Two days later the nurse called and told me that there was a rather large nodule on my thyroid, and they want it drained almost immediately. 

The next week I went in, and had a fine needle aspiration done on my thyroid. It was one of the most painful things I have ever done. 6 needles pulled the fluid out of the nodule that sat right on the center of my thyroid. Sam came with me, and sat there. It was seriously the worst, and here I am a week later, and I am still sore. I just got the results back from the nurse. The fluid that was in the nodule came back benign, but the radiologist is concerned that I will develop hashimoto's disease. They want me to see and ENT specialist, and get routine check ups of my thyroid.

I have learned a lot of from this past month and a half. First of all it is interesting that when you really start struggling and you have a hard time who steps up to the plate, and who totally walks out of your life. I am so grateful for all the blessings, prayers, and happy thoughts that have been sent my way. I am trying to get back into the swing of things, but I am scared for what the future holds. Especially since most the answers I got are just to wait until something bad happens. If this has taught me anything, it has taught that there are people out there who will move mountains for me. That was something that is so hard for me to believe. It also taught me that I don't want to wait. I want to find preventive care, and I want so much more out of life. I want to be happy, and I want to experience moments that take my breathe away. I have had a few of those moments, and I couldn't be more grateful for those perfect days. So yes I am still scared for what the future holds, but I am ready to move forward! I am strong, and I am going to be okay! Peace!