Happy Holidays and Peace 2016

What a crazy year it has been! So many lessons learned, and surprises I never would have seen coming! Seriously! This years end of the year post will be focus on lessons learned! 

 

 

1. Heavenly Father Answers Prayers
   I have learned especially in the past year that Heavenly Father answers all prayers. Even unwanted prayers. I learned that those answers are the best, because you didn't want an answer because you don't want to have to ask for that. But I learned that things are still going to happen regardless of whether you pray about them or not.
   I have also learned in bright huge flashing letters when it comes to Heavenly Father no means NO! Don't think you can change his mind, or prove that he is wrong because news flash you can't! It will take twice as long to get that no stuck in your head, and it will probably be a little bit more painful than needed.
2. I am just as strong willed as ever, and can do hard things:
   I have done things I never thought I would ever do! Like return to Idaho for 11 months, only visiting home for 4 weeks over that whole time period. Or the more you do something that scares you the easier it will become.
3. I am an artist
   Which means that my classes are not traditional classes. I have to spend lots of hours developing my skills, and perfecting what I can do. So while you memorize vocab words I am making something that will be judged, and that's my grade. Don't underestimate an art student, and their workload. I am 99% positive you couldn't handle it. 
4. My heart is huge, and it won't stop letting people in
   The nieces and nephews just keep coming, and my heart stretches more and more. The revolving door of friends coming and going has been in constant motion. Which is fine, as hard as it is to say goodbye there will always be another person to say hello. 
5. Hard work pays off
   This year I have lost a total of 40lbs and I plan to keep working toward my goals for 2017, my health is so important to me. No more sitting on the side lines! Not only is my health getting better, but so is my schooling! I have worked my little butt off this last few semesters, and because of that I am graduating a semester earlier than I planned possibly two! Which is a year earlier than what the school projected I would graduate! 
6. Don't plan your own surprise party
   "Surprise parties are hostile and dark. No good can come from surprise parties." - Mark Sloan
7. Disneyland is sort of the best place ever!
   I went back to Disneyland for the first time in forever, and it was honestly one of the best things I could have ever done. I can't wait to go back. 

 

Thank you, my friend!

A couple of months ago I made a new friend. That is all they are a friend, and they made me want to be better. It started with scripture reading. They talked about their love for the Book of Mormon, and I saw a light in their eyes. I light that I myself had had before but it had dimmed a tiny bit. But their love, made me want to love it again. So I increased my scripture reading, and that light was back. My scripture study increased greatly, and I found a happiness added back to my life. I didn't increase my scripture study for my friend in anyway. I increased it because of them, because they had something I wanted.

Over the past couple of months I've made some changes. My friend showed me that there was more to life, and that I wanted to live more. I was in a hard place when my friend and I met. I felt completely alone, and it felt like the whole world was pushing me to fail. I was put in the game, and I was playing solo. Until my friend walked into my life, and showed me that I wasn't alone. So the changes kept coming, I started doing better in school, and things I was scared to try I tried. My friend helped me step out of my comfort zone, and reminded me what it was like to have fun. Suddenly I wasn't the only person on my team, I had people joining me helping me see that I can win!

This next part is a little hard to talk about, but I am talking about it. I talked about the changes I was making, and one of them was working harder to be healthy. My friend helped remind me that I wanted to be the best version of myself. So I started doing just that, I started to become the best version of myself. Over the past 5 months I have been working harder then ever to reach my goals. I am still on this journey of being healthier, and it is a journey I will always be on. However I have reached a major milestone I felt like, I have lost 35lbs. Which might not seem like a big deal to some people, but to me it feels pretty darn good. Now I did not do this for my friend, but because of my friend. Because my friend reminded me I want to be the best version of myself. I wanted to say thank you to my friend who greatly changed my life, because you were a stepping stone in reminding me of what I am fighting for. I am fighting for me, and I am winning, thanks to you.

Are you serious? This is my happy face.

Wednesday night I went to bed laughing, and Thursday morning I woke up laughing. Thursday morning I sat up in bed, and laughed. Let me get something straight I love to laugh, it is probably one of my favorite things to do. I love hearing people laugh, I love laughing with people, and I love making people laugh. I love a good pun, or a terribly cheesy joke about anything. Which is why I wanted to explain something, I can be serious. I can take things seriously, I just choose not to. 

It's like a switch, that I can flip. I can laugh super loud, and then when the time comes I flip the switch and can be perfectly serious. Life is too short to be serious, and that is why I choose to laugh all the time. I want to be happy, I want to look at my day and laugh because the funniest thing ever happened. There is too much sadness in the world, and too much pain. We all have things that pull at us, so why not replace those feelings with a loud laugh that makes you smile from ear to ear. 

I wanted to take this moment also to apologize for this super loud laugh that I have. I am sorry if you find it obnoxious, or annoying. If my laugh annoys you I am sorry, because I am not changing it. Here is a thought if laughing annoys you, maybe you need to change something in your life. I won't ever stop laughing, because my laugh is me.

I want to be happy, and I want the world to see it. 

Work It Girl!

Over the summer I went to a drop in adult hip hop class at Unity School of Dance in Springfield, Oregon. I had the time of my life dancing along side one of my sisters, and one of my cysters. We laughed so hard, and hit the beat. I felt like I looked totally ridicules, but I was having so much fun. So much fun that I came back the next week, and danced my butt off! Sadly though I am back in Rexburg, and I don't have my sister, cyster, or amazing dance instructor Joe. Luckily though, my sister introduced me to this guy who makes these hip hop dance videos, and I watched a few and fell in love. I followed a link to The Fitness Marshall's youtube channel and tonight I did one of his playlists here is the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jbca1ZauCIs&list=PLAPUEAObdbMYrZvv6g1IGp9x2UjrdpmEn
He has SO many videos, of songs that I LOVE! So I made my own playlist that I will share with you guys.
So what! I am not going to the gym or running 5 miles. I am dancing my booty off for and hour or two. I am also having so much fun! So this is what I challenge you to do, find something you love and do it. If you love running then bless your soul and run away, if you love biking, bike. But me? I am gonna be dancing and laughing, and looking groovy.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKsfw32llbqrJ4eLv1fn9AnCAosperE1h

The 7 weeks I spent in my swimsuit

I knew my summer was going to be shorter then most, and I was prepared for that. But I didn't expect it to go by so darn fast. I knew I wanted one thing from summer, I wanted to spend the majority of it in my swimsuit. I love water, and I got to become bffs with it this summer.  I had so much fun these past 7 weeks visiting with family and friends. It was just what I needed before I head back to Rexburg Monday. Take a look:

Highlights include: baseball, hip

Hop dance class, road trips, camping at Eileen's, cards, castle, picking blackberries, swimming, meteor showers, and of course sizzle pie. Oh and the lots of writing I did. 

There is one thing on my list I didn't get to do, but I don't think the Oregon Coast is going anywhere. I will get you next time. It's a simple fact that the Pacific Northwest is really the best place ever. I have a long road ahead of me but I think I will manage just fine. Idaho, in a couple days I am coming for you. 

My stuggle; My story

I am one of the 5 million women diagnosed with Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome in the United States. 
Some women don't even see it as a bad thing, they think they are fine. 
Some people don't even think they have a struggle.
Which is great for them, but unfortunately that is not my story, 
needless to say the struggle is real. Recently someone asked my how I deal 
with my PCOS, and it occurred to me that I am still figuring that out. I wanted
to share my story once again, to try to help others who might struggle. If you are 
interested in reading my original story please read: 
http://jazzyjarvis.blogspot.com/2013/01/my-pcos-story.html
that goes into more detail about my diagnosis, and how I was dealing with everything back in 2013. 
The first thing I would suggest is find a doctor who is going to listen to you, and who you sort of wish you had tea with once a week because that's how much they care about you.

Second: understand your symptoms. You need to know what the symptoms are, and which ones are manifested in you. After that go back to that doctor that cares so much about your health, and figure out what's going to be the best solution for them. Understand that there won't be an easy fix. But that doesn't mean it's the end of the road. 

Third: take it one day at a time. Understand that some days are going to be better than others, and some days you might just want to cry all day. One of those days every once and awhile are completely fine, as long as once you've finished straighten your crown and ovary up. 

Fourth: Finally understand that it's okay to be scared, but you need to understand that everything is going to be okay. 

Each day I fight this battle, and I feel as though each day I get one step closer to being better. I have an amazing support system that understand that even though I don't look sick, I still hurt. I have started taking control and that's the only way you can beat this. Control your life, find your support, and win. 

Why does it hurt so much to love?

I have chosen to go back to school in the fall, four months sooner then intended. Today as I held a sweet little three year old in my hands, I wondered if it was going to be worth it. 

Tears were streaming down my face as I held Henslee in my arms, and she looked into my eyes. 

Henslee: "You have tears."

Me: "I know I am crying"

Henslee: "You are sad?"

Me: "I am sad."

Henslee: "Because you don't want me?"

Me: "Sweet little girl, it is far from that."

Henslee: "I don't want you to go back to Idaho."

Me: "I don't want to go back."

After hugging her a little too tight, I wondered why it hurts so much to love. If it's such a good thing to love people, why does it make us sad? 

Either my intentions aren’t clear enough, or you are clueless; An open letter to the boy who doesn’t know I am asking him on a date.

To whom it may concern,

    I need to take some credited for this failed attempt at asking you on a date. I am in uncharted waters you see, and this is all so new to me. I thought by now you would have taken a hint, and seen that I have feelings for you. However you are either trying to keep me in the friend zone, or you are pretty clueless. Which I guess would make sense, because I did ask you on a date, and you had no idea. Which is starting to really annoy me, because we’ve been doing the same thing for two months, and I am getting a little impatient with you, and with myself. 

    Why haven’t I told you what I am feeling? I feel like that is a pretty good question, and probably should be answered. This is what is going through my head right now, I would rather keep doing what we are doing, then you find out I have feelings for you and totally change our whole dynamic. It could change our dynamic in a good way, that is true. But I can’t chance you not feeling what I am feeling. Like I said this is uncharted water for me. Not saying liking a boy is new to me, I have liked plenty of boys. However we didn’t quite get to where you and I are.

 I guess I have a question for you, where are we? Sometimes you are flirty, and we have fun when we're together. Other times you say things that make me feel like a bro, which is kind of frustrating. You say you are good listener, and you have proven this plenty of times. I am getting impatient, and want to know if you are listening now. 

Forever and Always

    The Girl with a bow in her hair. 

A formal apology to The Beatles, The Jonas Brothers, Maroon 5, JackJohnson, and Dashboard Confessionals.

I need to take a moment to formally apologize to these musicians. Not that it matters, cause you will never see this. However I am sorry that at one point in my life I said I Hated you, and your music. Which is not very nice, or supportive. From my post to the beat of my heart, it's pretty clear I have a love for music.

In the past couple of years I have come to defend music, whether it's music I hate or music I love. I don't think you could say any type of music is the worst. If someone is doing what they love, and they love what they are making why should we criticize? I understand that we all have a right to our own opinion. But what if we created something for the world, and someone who is a nobody and says oh that is awful, I hate that. It would kind of hurt a little bit. 

You don't have to listen to every song ever made, I am not going to go buy a Jack Johnson cd, or listen to The Beatles. But maybe bite your tongue when someone is like I love this song, and you want to say oh I hate this song. 

Or you can totally disagree and keep saying you hate certain songs. I guess I am just asking for the respect I know I would want. Just a food for thought.

  And I mean this song plays quite frequently, so dashboard isn't horrible. 

I am sorry, are you okay?

Each week I try to work on something different, and after recent events I decided I should work on asking people if they are okay, before laughing when they get hurt. I have a tendency to laugh when people fall, or hit things. I am not sure why, I care about people very much. However I have a very simple sense of humor, and laugh. Well after deciding this is what I wanted to work on this week, I was going over to my friends house and as I was walking up their steps I fell. Literally this happened within the hour of me deciding this is what I wanted to work on. Of course I laughed at myself, it was hilarious. My legs are covered in bruises, and scrapes because I am so accident prone. I mean come on, everyone gets a good laugh out of when I fell doing the cotton eye joe, don't remember? Here you go:

In case we are put in a situation where you get hurt, and I can't get the words out because I am laughing so hard: "I am sorry, are you okay?"  

Yes I am saying this in advance because I already was put that situation where I was laughing so hard I couldn't get the words out. It's a work in progress. 

"But I'm steady thinking, my way is clear"

I have found answers in my music. Tonight's announcement is something that I never ever thought would happen. A song by Celtic Women, entitled Caledonia I feel like expressed my feelings all too well. Before we get into the break down, let me announce what it is so everyone can stop guessing. I have chosen to return to Idaho in September for my off track, and take classes.

Where I am coming from:

"I don't know if you can see

The changes that have come over me"

Something has changed in my heart, and I am so eager to be in Rexburg, and to keep working on my education. So eager that this next year I will spend September through July going to school. It is so hard to be in Rexburg, but something has changed in my heart, and I have chosen to stay.

To my nieces and nephews:

"Let me tell you that I love you

That I think about you all the time"

This was not an easy choice, and it still breaks my heart that I am gonna miss so much more than I already have. I am not staying in Idaho because I love you less. I love you all so much and I constantly have you on my mind. I took each of you into consideration as I made my choice.

My Fight:

"Now I have moved and I've kept on moving

Proved the points that I needed proving"

I moved to Rexburg in the beginning of April, and it was honestly one of the hardest things I have ever done. Yes I have done it before, but this time it was different. I felt so alone, and so lost knowing that I left behind people who were struggling and needed me. I drove the whole way, and that was something that scared me. However as soon as I reached my exit I knew that I had beaten one of my own battles. If I am being honest here, I cried the first two weeks at least every day. The moment I stepped into my new room I called someone very close to me, and said "I want to go home." Much like in the past I had so many reasons to stay in Oregon. My mom even encouraged me to stay home for spring. Which I think she only did because she wanted to hear me say outloud that I needed to go. Thank you mom. I proved I can make it, so what is a little more time? I have moved, and it seems that I will keep on moving.

My Friends:

"Lost the friends that I needed losing

Found others on the way"

No one has ever been replaced in my life, nor will they. Everyone holds a special part in my heart. Not to sound too dramatic but one life long lesson I have learned for the past five years, is how to mourn someone that is still living. A revolving door of people coming in and out of my life, and for the longest time I was angry, and hurt. However those people that chose their different paths had every right to, and just like they do so do I. I have found other people that have helped me grow in ways I didn't even know I could. I love everyone that has come through that door, whether they have left or not. You have changed me for the better. I need to state though that I am not going to school in the fall for anyone else but myself. 

"And I know what I will do tomorrow

When hands have shaken, the kisses float

Then I will disappear"

It looks like I will be disappearing from Oregon once again. I had never thought that I would have come to this choice, and when the thought popped in my head at the beginning of the semester I was extremely surprised. I called my parents, and told them what I was feeling prompted to do. They counseled me to just think about it, and see what happens. That when the Lord has a will, he will provide a way. At that point I had no idea how anything was gonna work. I didn't even think it would be possible. This past week I got an override for the fall, and signed up for classes. In the past my grad plan wasn't quite working out, and now that I am attending in the fall, everything fell into place almost. It's still about 90% chance that it is gonna happen. There is a 10% chance it won't happen. If it doesn't I accept that, but if it does I accept that too. 

I am just full of surprises.

I don't want to say I am having a good day.

The last time I said I was having a good day, my world sort of semi fell apart. Without going into details lets just say I was on a roller coaster, thought I was off but turns out the roller coaster kept going. So I am not saying I am having a good day. But I am pretty dang happy, and have learned a valuable lesson. I hope I never have to get off this roller coaster. Sure there are times where I am scared or when I am sad. Those sad or scary parts brought me to people who changed my life. But now there are times when I am happy, and laugh a lot. Those parts of the roller coaster seem to last longer then the scary ones. Another thing I've learned? It is okay for me to be happy. That doesn't mean I don't miss my family or that I am doing something wrong. For so long I wanted to make sure everyone else was happy, or everyone else was being taken care of. There will always be a reason for me to be called home. However there will also be a reason for me to stay here. Here is not Rexburg or any certain place. Here is where my heart wants me to be, and where I am happy. 

The Art of Maintaining a Friendship: A Work in Progress

I am sure you are all aware there are 24 hours in a day. If you take out the eight hours you sleep, that is 16. If you take out the average 8 hours for school/homework/studying or perhaps work that is 8 hours a day. Take out an additional two hours for a cumulative of personal hygiene whether it is going to the restroom, getting ready for your day, or ending your day. That is 6 hours. 6 hours to take care of everything else. One thing that fills probably 5 out of that 6 hours for me is trying to maintain my relationships with friends and family. I try to talk to my nieces and nephews every day, and I am in constant communication with my family. You gotta love Facebook group messages. But it's hard work, and I wanted to take this moment to apologize for a couple things.

I am sorry I don't call as often as I do. 

I am sorry if I repeat myself at times I get so excited sometimes about the things that happen that I want to make sure you get to hear about. 

I am sorry for the short conversations squeezed in between classes. 

I am sorry sometimes I go days between are conversations and then drop on emotional bomb on you. 

I am sorry for the late night texts, then I usually fall asleep in the middle of our conversation.  

I just want you all to know I am trying, life is crazy, and I want to spend hours talking to you. Someday soon we will. 

You are important to me.
Being busy isn't an excuse, for not making time for the people you care about. I know this, and I am working on bettering myself. I am not perfect, and I just want to be there for my amazing support system like they are there for me. It is definitely a work and progress.

It's mothers day

There are so many people I want to recognize today, and am gonna try and include as many of you as I can. However if I forget you I am sorry, know these words are for you. Even if you aren't mentioned or pictured.
I may not be a mom myself, but for as long as I can remember there have been women in my life teaching what it means to be a mother. Some of those things I've been taught are the following:

• Love
• Courage
• Strength 
• Never giving up
• Fight for important things
• Protecting your family
• Protecting your beliefs
• How to balance life
• To have a testimony
• To find the hope
• To love literature 
• The importance of education 

I am so grateful for the love, and comfort that these women have given to me. The countless prayers, and good thoughts sent my way. You are all wonderful, and so loved. Not just by me but those around you. Be strong, and continue to love. Know that you have blessed me beyond belief.
You are also strong and noble women, and God is smiling on you. 

This is just a small list. Some people that won't be pictured I want to list here

• Nanners 
• Laura
• Georgie
• Janille 
• Meryni
• Gina 
• My grandmas

If there's one thing my dad taught me.

My parents have taught me many important things. So many lessons I wouldn't know where to start. However there is one thing my dad taught me that I will never forget, you see a solider you say thank you. No matter what you are doing you stop and say thank you. If they are talking you wait until they are done, and you say thank you. As cheesy as it sounds I am proud to be an American. 

I support my troops, and I say thank you. 

"To the Beat of My Heart"

Instead of writing my part two of three I thought I would share something else. I am still working on part two, and can't wait to share my story with all of you. However this week I want to share something else with you. Music is a huge part of my life, and this past summer I really learned the importance of why we pay for our music. The people who chose the career of a musician in my opinion chose a hard path. Musician's work hard for what they love, so we can have the things we love. It is important to support the music industry, and show those musicians that we support them. My cousin Bubba taught me the importance of buying music, and not getting it other ways. So I thought I would give you a list of all the songs I've purchased, and the careers I am supporting.
Starting in July of 2015 until today:

1. Ew!- Jimmy Fallon ft. Will.I.Am
2. Honey, I'm Good.-Andy Grammer
3. Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)- Silento
4. Pretty Girls Britney Spears ft Iggy Azalea
5. Immortals- Fall Out Boy
6. Play It Again- Luke Bryan
7. Country Girl- DF Dub
8. Hey Mama- David Guetta
9. Cheerleader- OMI
10. Drag Me Down- One Direction
11. My Way- Fetty Wap ft. Monty
12. Uma Thurman- Fall Out Boy
13. That's How You Know- Nico Vinz
14. Only Fooling Myself- Kate Voegele
15. Marvin Gaye- Charlie Puth Ft. Meghan Trainor
16. I Won't-Colbie Caillat
17. Touch the Sky-Julie Fowlis
18. Into the Open Air- Julie Fowlis
19. Learn Me Right- Birdy & Mumford and Sons
20. Made In the AM(album)- One Direction
21. Hotline Bling-Drake
22. Cars that Go Boom L'Trimm
23. El Taxi- Pitbull 
24. Dessert- Dawin
25. 679- Fetty Wap ft. Monty
26. Santa Claus is Coming to Town- Micheal Buble
27. Talking Body- Tov Lo
28. Here Comes the Lion Guard- Beau Black
29. The Moment I Knew- Taylor Swift
30. Stand Still, Look Pretty- The Wreckers
31. No Scrubs- TLC
32. Get Ugly- Jason Derulo
    
    I budget money for music just like budget money for gas. I know that if there is a song I want, I want to have it at my disposal. I want to listen to it on repeat ad free for five hours straight. This might seem like a lot of music but it's apart of my life. I want to support the music industry just like I am supported in my careers. i encourage you to do the same.
    
    
    
    
    "So I say Thank You for the Music"-Abba