Saturday, November 11, 2017

Jordan's sharing her feelings

I tried to keep things under wrapped this past month and half until I had answers, those who asked I told. But some stuff has been happening, and I am ready to share that I have no bad news, and semi good news. I am not going to hold much back, so if you don't want to read I won't be offended.
It all started on September 29, I found two lumps. One on each of my boobs, I wasn't too freaked out. However the more I talked to people the more freaked out I got, and I had some concerns that I hadn't had before.

I called the women's clinic here in Rexburg and set up an appointment. I met with a midwife on October 17, and she did a head to toe exam. I got to wear this lovely white paper towel, and it was what I thought was the worst thing I had ever experienced. I was pretty positive that I was going to walk in there and she was going to say something like "Oh what your feeling is nothing.", but she didn't say that. She said that they were definetly there, and due to my family history it was a major concern for her. She also wanted to check my thyroid because there was a nodule my doctor in Oregon found a few years ago. I was pretty freaked out before the appointment, I tried to prepare myself the best I could for what would happen during the appointment, but it wasn't enough. I make things awkward right? So I was talking with the nurse while she was taking my vitals, and I was like do you know if they are going to do an exam? and she was like the midwife likes to see your face before she sees anything else. Funny right? Well I had some lovely support for that appointment, Sam and Lexi came and waited patiently for me in the lobby, while I sent texts of everything that happened.
From that appointment I walked away with ultrasound orders, and made a phone call to my sister Alex and told her she had to tell mom. She offered to come to Rexburg and be with me, but I knew it wasn't realistic. She was trying to do what she could to help, but she has three kids and husband that needed her just a little bit more than I did. But needless to say I was scared out of my mind, and the next few days moved in a haze. I was going to class, but I wasn't present. I would try to explain to my teachers what was going on, but I couldn't without crying. I had people around me trying to distract me, and trying to help me look forward with my head up. Including AeLa, Ray Ray, and Lexi! Who drove into the middle of nowhere at 1 am just to watch a meteor shower. I cried a lot that first week, and I know I already said this but I was scared out of my mind. Here I was 12 hours away from my family, and I had no idea what I was doing.

 Luckily I have a cousin who is just a little over three and half hours way and she offered to come be with me for the ultrasound. I knew I needed someone, and my roommates were great support, but I wanted some family. Jessie was so sweet to give up her whole weekend to come spend sometime in Rexburg, and it helped me relax so much more. I don't think words can ever express how much it meant to me to have her here.
Ultrasound day came on Monday, I had every intention to go to class that day, but I was too stressed. I just wanted answers, and I wanted to know that everything was going to be okay. They did the ultrasound, it was interesting to say the least. I had done an ultrasound on my thyroid before. The chest ultrasound was a new thing for me. Jessie was there, and made sure to make me laugh every time I got a little scared, or sad. The radiologist came and spoke to me instantly after the tech had finished, to talk about the lumps in my boobs. He said that they weren't a concern right now, but gave me somethings that I need to look for, and if any of that stuff starts to happen I need to come in as soon as I can. He then said the results for my thyroid would come from the midwife. Two days later the nurse called and told me that there was a rather large nodule on my thyroid, and they want it drained almost immediately. 
The next week I went in, and had a fine needle aspiration done on my thyroid. It was one of the most painful things I have ever done. 6 needles pulled the fluid out of the nodule that sat right on the center of my thyroid. Sam came with me, and sat there. It was seriously the worst, and here I am a week later, and I am still sore. I just got the results back from the nurse. The fluid that was in the nodule came back benign, but the radiologist is concerned that I will develop hashimoto's disease. They want me to see and ENT specialist, and get routine check ups of my thyroid.

I have learned a lot of from this past month and a half. First of all it is interesting that when you really start struggling and you have a hard time who steps up to the plate, and who totally walks out of your life. I am so grateful for all the blessings, prayers, and happy thoughts that have been sent my way. I am trying to get back into the swing of things, but I am scared for what the future holds. Especially since most the answers I got are just to wait until something bad happens. If this has taught me anything, it has taught that there are people out there who will move mountains for me. That was something that is so hard for me to believe. It also taught me that I don't want to wait. I want to find preventive care, and I want so much more out of life. I want to be happy, and I want to experience moments that take my breathe away. I have had a few of those moments, and I couldn't be more grateful for those perfect days. So yes I am still scared for what the future holds, but I am ready to move forward! I am strong, and I am going to be okay! Peace!

Friday, October 20, 2017

No Social Media update!

Oh my goodness, what a crazy time this has been. I don't even know where to start. First off let me just say this has been hard, but such a great blessing. Even though I miss somethings in my friends and families lives because I don't see what's happening, I feel like I have grown in so many ways. I am no longer viewing my life through the screen. I am enjoying my moments, and I take so much more out of it. It makes me sad when I am out doing things and everyone is so busy trying to get the perfect social media post. Just live your lives.
Were just going to go in order! I am back in Rexburg, officially in my senior year of college. I started my semester by being a new student mentor. At first I wasn't assigned a partner, which was kind of scary. Because I have 56 new students, and they live all over Rexburg. However my friend Mark was willing to step up last minute and be my partner. Which was so nice, because at first he didn't know he was signing up for a whole semester thing, and he has been such a great help with everything! Here is a picture of us, and our group. Were the ones in the polos, which we get to wear every Thursday for the rest of the semester.


Next I finally hiked "R" mountain here in Idaho. I didn't have a senior year bucketlist, but if I did that hike would be on it. I went with some of my favorite people here in Rexburg, Rayna and AeLa
Next flew to Arizona for my bestfriends Wedding, and had a wonderful time. I don't how soon I will go back to Arizona. But I did love visiting with Brooke, and her new husband. Which I don't have a lot of pictures of my visit, but heres some cute selfies.
As of lately I've just been trying to keep my head on straight, by finding moments that make me happy with the life I am living, and spending time with the people who love and care about me, and want to support me. 

I am going to be back on social media until after halloween, and then I am gone again. Because I am loving the life I am living right now. And really a lot of the stuff that has happened deserves its own posts each, but that probably won't happen.

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Likes for Life

In spring semester I took a Graphic Design class, where we had to develop a public service announcement off of something we see everyday. I chose cell phone addiction, it was something that I had seen plenty of, and a poison that is slowly starting to take over everyone's lives. I mean when was the last time you went out and nobody took their phone out once? It NEVER happens. Don't get me wrong I love that I can communicate with family members from a distance, and that I can learn from other aspiring graphic designers from all over the world. But my life, much like those around me has slowly become something I am not proud of. I would say that I view a large portion of my life through the lens on my phone. I spend more time taking pictures and videos for social media and not enjoying the moment. It shouldn't matter if my picture gets so many likes or if a certain someone sees a snap chat, or status update. I have a lot of things that I want to learn in the next three months, and because of this I am choosing to step away from social media.
Which is going to be hard, and not just because I love to keep in touch with those around me. But there are some major things happening in the next few months. First off September is PCOS awareness month, and I love sharing my stories, and communicating with my cysters. I am also starting my senior year of college, my best friend is getting married, my birthday,  my first holiday on my own, Christmas with my family, and of course I am on this incredible health journey that I want to share with others. Also Instagram is such a great way to network for young artists, it is going to be so hard to pause activity on my recent design Instagram. But in reality it will totally be worth it.
There will be a few exceptions that I will allow myself to sign into Facebook from my computer for. I will also continue to update my blog at least twice a month, mostly so I can track my journey. But starting September 6, I will be a ghost. I am deleting all my social media apps off of my phone, and focusing on me. That is what is really important, my happiness, not others seeing my happiness. I don't want to trade my life for getting likes.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

I've lost it, and it started with a year!

I have been quite open about the changes I have been making in my life. In the beginning I had stated that I started making changes because my friend inspired me to be better. What I didn't expect was that same friend to make me feel like I was worthless.
Little by little I did certain things to help me reach my goals. Now I have reached a point where I am ready to share another one of my triumphs. I have lost 50lbs in the past year! It is crazy to me, because I honestly don't feel that much different. In fact if my clothes weren't too big I probably wouldn't think things had changed. But I have noticed a change in my energy levels, and a change in my mood! I didn't like feeling terrible about myself, and I didn't expect myself to get to a point where I did. However I used those feelings to fuel my fire, and I have fallen in love with going to gym. I often find myself missing my workouts when I can't get them in, and craving a visit to the gym. I just want to live like I am living, and I want to take full advantage of this body I have. I can't wait to see where the rest of my journey takes me, and what changes I can make in the next 365 days. Because trust me letting a person help you feel like you're worthless is something I never plan on letting happen again.
Here is a picture of my journey
A Year Later!

A Year Ago:

The pants on the bottom are from a year ago, and the pants on the top are the current ones! I've dropped 4 pant sizes!
P.s Here is what 50lbs looks like 

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Thank you, Mr. President

Well I am sure you are all aware that this past weekend was Presidents weekend. I took full advantage of the long weekend, and stepped outside of Idaho and into Utah for a nice mini vacation. It was perfect in every single way, and I couldn't have asked for a better family to welcome me into the 801. I had so much fun that I didn't want to leave, and now am feeling less than motivated.
On thursday I attempted to ride traxs, and thank you Jessie for saving the day.

On Friday I got to see my cousin Jeff perform with his party band No Limits, and that is honestly one of the best things! They put on such a great show, and my aunt BreAnna got to come up for the show, and that was so much fun!

On saturday we went to lush and spent almost two hours there get pampered, and treated like royalty. I also got to play with a bath bomb, and after purchasing one, we decided that we could make our own, and so that's what we did.

On sunday we put our DIY skills to the test, and created our own. Now we just need to see how they work. I am super excited. Here is a link to try it out yourselves. Sunday was also filled with visiting of course. Janille came over and brought me my first ever name cookie, I felt so loved!
Then on Monday I got to finish my weekend with having lunch with my middle school bestfriend. It was so much fun playing catch up, and laughing. It was like no time had passed, when in reality 6 years had passed since we last saw each other, and 10 years since she moved away. It is all good because we decided more visits will need happen. 
Overall it was a very successful weekend away visiting with some of my favorite people! I am grateful for our presidents and not just because I get school off. But because they helped create this place I call home. 

Friday, February 10, 2017

A String of Awkward Moments, welcome to my life.

My life is just one awkward moment after another, and it is something I have gotten used to. Whether it is running into my highschool crush what seems like 50 times in one month, and always saying embarrassing things when I see him, barfing at the mall, falling while I am dancing, falling out of chairs, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, and the list goes on and on. However this week was just one after the other, and it was too good not to share.
Sunday: Not much to say about this except peppermint
Monday: I had to attempt to do the worm in front of a random apartment and, my fhe group.
Tuesday: I accidently spit on the guy in front of me at devotional, and then had to sit there for an hour while we both know what I did.
Wednesday: I accidently walked into the men's bathroom, screamed and turned around said a little too loudly "that is not the girls bathroom!" while running into a guy. A guy who saw the whole thing, and then said "Don't worry I won't tell anyone."
Thursday: Actually nothing too embarrassing happened.
Friday: I was at the gym and I put my foot on a shelf, which then flipped out and landed on the floor.

Laugh at my life, because I do.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Happy Holidays and Peace 2016

What a crazy year it has been! So many lessons learned, and surprises I never would have seen coming! Seriously! This years end of the year post will be focus on lessons learned! 
  1. Heavenly Father Answers Prayers
    I have learned especially in the past year that Heavenly Father answers all prayers. Even unwanted prayers. I learned that those answers are the best, because you didn't want an answer because you don't want to have to ask for that. But I learned that things are still going to happen regardless of whether you pray about them or not.
    I have also learned in bright huge flashing letters when it comes to Heavenly Father no means NO! Don't think you can change his mind, or prove that he is wrong because news flash you can't! It will take twice as long to get that no stuck in your head, and it will probably be a little bit more painful than needed.
  2. I am just as strong willed as ever, and can do hard things:
    I have done things I never thought I would ever do! Like return to Idaho for 11 months, only visiting home for 4 weeks over that whole time period. Or the more you do something that scares you the easier it will become.
  3. I am an artist
    Which means that my classes are not traditional classes. I have to spend lots of hours developing my skills, and perfecting what I can do. So while you memorize vocab words I am making something that will be judged, and that's my grade. Don't underestimate an art student, and their workload. I am 99% positive you couldn't handle it. 
  4. My heart is huge, and it won't stop letting people in
    The nieces and nephews just keep coming, and my heart stretches more and more. The revolving door of friends coming and going has been in constant motion. Which is fine, as hard as it is to say goodbye there will always be another person to say hello. 
  5. Hard work pays off
    This year I have lost a total of 40lbs and I plan to keep working toward my goals for 2017, my health is so important to me. No more sitting on the side lines! Not only is my health getting better, but so is my schooling! I have worked my little butt off this last few semesters, and because of that I am graduating a semester earlier than I planned possibly two! Which is a year earlier than what the school projected I would graduate! 
  6. Don't plan your own surprise party
    "Surprise parties are hostile and dark. No good can come from surprise parties." - Mark Sloan
  7. Disneyland is sort of the best place ever!
    I went back to Disneyland for the first time in forever, and it was honestly one of the best things I could have ever done. I can't wait to go back.